So

If you’re reading this, congrats! You’ll be one of the few to do so before I dismantle this site. I’m amazed it’s actually had as many people come to it over the years despite my chronic lack of maintenance. I guess all that’s left to do is guffaw and point you toward my Tumblr (www.offhandmodesty.tumblr.com) or I guess Facebook or something but that’s kinda weird.

Anyway, thank you to those who have read and appreciated Life of Healey, apologies to those I have offended or not sourced over the years (By the way, I go to bicycle.net for all my bicycling needs and raptor-on-a-bike related images) and I guess I’ll just have to also apologise for my poor memory in maintaining this thing. Oh well, cheers and goodbye!

Hmm. Or maybe I’ll actually just start contributing to it again.

The Sims 3

So, long time between drinks for Life of Healey. Oh well, it’s back (at least, until I forget again) and what better way to celebrate than with one of this year’s biggest releases. I’m referring to, of course (and as the title probably gives away), the Sims 3, the latest cash-cow from EA Games (or “Electronic Arts”, as they like to be known). Despite all the criticisms thrown at EA, much of which echoed similar criticism given to Spore, The Sims 3 actually shines as the defining game of the series so far. It could say that’s expected, being a sequel, but a formula like The Sims makes it so easy to keep the same damn game going over and over again. Indeed, this is evident in the myriad of expansion packs released for both the first two games, and no doubt EA will really be planning to cash in on this installment. However, the Sims 3 has taken the series and expanded it out even further, and the improvements that this game brings to the franchise is something that the fans, as well as any potential newcomers, will really appreciate.

From the makers of SimCity, SimTown, SimCopter, SimEarth, SimFarm, SimAnt, SimMusic, SimPark... And Spore.

The Sims, for those of you who don’t know, is Will Wright’s crown jewel of gaming. Sure, there’s SimCity, SimEarth, SimAnt and a plethora of other simulations, but The Sims continues to be the best-selling and most popular PC game series in history; considering the sheer amount of PC games, that’s a big achievement. In a nutshell, The Sims series is a virtual dollhouse – You make a family, you build the house they live in, and you control their lives. This god-like power instilled on the player is what seperates The Sims from Will Wright’s other, possibly more serious, simulations. We’re not talking meta decisions such as those found in SimCity (wheee, zoning!) and SimEarth (possibly the most convoluted “game” I’ve ever played), but instead the nuts and bolts of life itself; individual manipulation of relationships and the arc of a virtual being’s life. Okay, maybe I’m overhyping it, but there’s no denying the control of people with relatively realistic looks and attitudes is what gives The Sims such a cult following. In particular, that with the female gamer genre – a notably difficult to broach market. The Sims is all about designing things (building houses, picking outfits for Bob Newbie to wear), but also about playing relationships and little stories out; stories that tend to be made up completely by the player. Unsurprisingly, the Sims 3 has a lot to live up to. The previous installments have revolutionary in their own rights, so the expectations for The Sims 3 to make a new spin on the genre is palpable. Fortunately, it mostly lives up to these expectations. Mostly.

If you had to define one thing that The Sims 3 had over its predessecors, the answer would be “Freedom”. It’s apparent in so many of the new features and elements of the game, so here are a few of the big ones. One of the most-touted new features of this game, as seen in the many press coverages, previews and plastered all over the official site, is the Sims’ new ability to go anywhere in the town. It might not sound like much, but this new factor blows the scope of the game wide open, as no longer are you constricted to individual modules of properties, but instead your Sims literally have the ability to go anywhere in town. This really helps the game feel dynamic, as the seamless world makes for a lot more freedom. Not only does this decrease your total of loading screens to maybe two throughout an entire playthrough, but it gives the player a greater feeling of being part of a real world that is the Sims. Your Sim could spend a whole day wandering around town; a quick stop at the bookstore, a dip in the local pool, then round it off by holding hands with the love of your virtual life in the park, listening to some hippy play guitar. All without a single loading screen. Unsurprisingly, the town becomes a much bigger feature of the game, and it’s a good thing the town’s so meticulously created, then. Although there’s no neighbourhood creator (for now), the neighbourhood that ships with the game is a beauty of design and implementation, and there’s always a new neighbourhood available for download at the Sim Exchange.

To best show off the second big feature of the game, I decided to enlist a little outside help. Well, not really, seeing as it’s me. Argue on whether it actually resembles me if you like, but I think it’s not bad:

Fun Fact: That shirt's modelled after one of mine.

Okay, so he looks like he’s missing a couple of chromosomes; that’s no biggie. Nevertheless, it may or may not thrill you to say that shirt wasn’t a model included in the game. But it kinda was. Here’s the thing: In The Sims 1, every object came as it is. That’s a matter of fact. Didn’t like the colour? Tough. Get a different colour. In The Sims 2, Maxis implemented a “design” system. This meant different objects came with different recolourings, so you could choose from a preset list of design options for that object’s colour. However, this was still a bit limiting. What if, for instance, you wanted a day-glo toilet? Fortunately (for some), The Sims 3 has built on that to incorporate pretty much full design customization for objects. This means you can click on an object and change the colour of different parts or the object as a whole? Don’t like that toilet’s look? Change the base to day-glo pink and the seat to fluorescent green. About 99% of the objects you can buy are fully customizable, meaning you can change the design (make a couch with a plaid design, stripes or relatively anything) as well as the colours that make up that design. Needless to say, it’s perfect for customization and getting the “right look” for your Sims’ house. And what of the Sims themselves? Same story: the customization means you can define seperate colours for a Sim’s roots, base, tips and highlights in their hair, as well as altering their clothes to make a fashionable blue-green-beige pinstriped suit. Whilst some people on first glance may claim the object and clothes selection is relatively limited, that’s only in basic templates; from there, you can customize the pattern and design almost indefinitely.

Unlimited Customization: Not always a good idea.

This is all well and good, but what if you’re one of those people who just wants to make relationships and “stories”? The Sims 3 has catered for that. One of the most-publicised features of the game is the new “Traits” system, which aims to give individual Sims a bit of personality in the way they function. For an adult Sim, you’re able to define 5 traits from a list of 60, each of which makes up a fragment of personality, as well as potentially giving your Sim a leg-up in the world. For instance, for my Sim (creatively named “Ben Healey”), I’ve given him the traits of:

• Neurotic: This means Ben’s able to periodically “freak out”, helping him become a little more tranquil. It also makes him stress rather than cry when things go wrong, and the trait’s reflected in conversation through such conversation options like “Discuss conspiracies”.
• Good Sense of Humour: This helps in social interactions and making friends by making Ben a funny guy, meaning other Sims will be more receptive to his jokes and as such will be positively affected more than a Sim without the trait. Incidentally, I was delighted to see him laugh at certain situations I myself found funny when another Sim didn’t.
• Hopeless Romantic: Rather deceptively, this trait means your Sim is better at romantic interactions, and as such other Sims are more likely to accept his flirting and romantic advances.
• Genius: Unsurprisingly, this trait makes it easier for a Sim to learn the Logic skill, as well as giving him the abilities to be better at Chess and the option to solve tricky maths problems for fun and profit. Incidentally, a Genius is also able to give medical advice and have a deep, intellectual conversation.
• Computer Whiz: Does what it says on the tin, really. A Sim with this trait will enjoy using the computer more, and will also be better at interactions involving computers (as such, they’ll form better relationships through chatting online).

Finally, just like real life.

These five traits alone make for an interesting character, and helps add spice to what was previously the mundane chore of relationship-building. Considering the other 55 traits (including “Evil”, “Loser” and, in a delightful nod to Arrested Development, “Never Nude”), this provides enough combinations to potentially keep you going for a while, and helps inject personability into your creations, particularly when, like me, you like to make Sims based on yourself and your friends.

Okay, not every game is perfect, so let’s tackle that. If I had a complaint to make about The Sims 3, it’s that the idea is still basically the same. Granted, they’ve removed some of the “needs” drudgery by eliminating the “environment” and “comfort” want, but you’ll still find yourself making the same queue for your Sims throughout parts of the day: eat-toilet-shower-computer games-bed. They have reduced this feature though, and rewards for completing Sims wishes can make it even less nessecary to fulfill your Sims’ needs. Secondly, I would be remiss if I failed to mention the money-grabbing approach EA has taken with The Sims as of late. As soon as the game was launched, the Sims Store was online, using the premise of microtransactions to enable players to download more stuff for their Sims. Based on the current pricing, these items appear to be perhaps not the best value for money, and the fact these items weren’t included in the game at launch in the first place is a downright raw deal. My advice? Use the credits you get free with the game, but stick around for the extensive modding community that, if The Sims 2 was any indication of, will pop up and prosper.

So that’s the Sims installment for another few years. Keep in mind EA will soon be bringing out expansion packs, which may or may not add to the game experience. Nevertheless, the Sims 3 is a game worth playing, particularly if you typically don’t identify yourself as a gamer. The creativity and personality this game exudes gives a close feel that hasn’t been felt in one’s creations for a long time in gaming. Worth it.

A History of Raptoria

So, you’ve finally decided to join the most glorious nation of Raptoria. While your passport is being devoured processed, you may want to take the time to learn about this lovely country*!

 

The core province of Raptoria, united under the twin peaks of GRARGH! and SKUUL'MUKT!

Raptoria is and always has been in existance. Anything contrary to this opinion is in fact heresy; You would be wise to report the instigator to the authorities. Despite what you may have heard about the extinction of the dinosaurs approximately 65 Million years ago, the Raptors survive (and, indeed, thrive) in their current situation. How? The answer isn’t entirely simple. It comes from a unique blend of Technology, Medicines, Magic, and Herbs and Spices. The Raptors themselves are not liable to give up the answer anytime soon. The only viabe answer, then, is that the Velociraptors are indeed the chosen race, as described in the book of Paco (a lesser-known and often-omitted chapter of the Old & New Testament, as well as the Qua’ran):

12. And so, it was decided amongst the great beasts to elect a leader. 13. Five candidates were chosen, representing the Brontosaurus, T-Rex, Pteradons, Stegosaurus and Triceratops races of the beasts. 14. The election day was held on the 1st of August, which had been forever known as the day of Terrence’s House Party. 15. And so, the great beasts cast their votes to decide a new leader. 16. Before the votes were counted, however, one Toby of the Raptors did enter the room, and did slay the other candidates. 17. It was decided Toby would be the new leader, as no-one would fuck with Toby. 18. Toby then did play an awesome rock guitar solo, and the bitches did swarm to him.

To this day, August 1st is celebrated as the Day of Ascension. In honour of Toby’s mystical hobby, Raptors everywhere pile out onto the streets, shredding wildly in the hopes of striking the holy chords. For many Raptors, it is a chance to spend time with the family, and even the young Raptor Spawn can be seen standing on pillars, miniature Raptor Pauls in claw. No Raptor city bustles with more activity than the capital, RARRK!; a city often described as “like Rome, Paris, New York, London, the whole of Singapore, and Beijing, all on acid”. For it is here the countless Massacre Memorials stand as both graves and convinient rocking-out-pillars. Because the Raptorian army has never lost a soldier (not even to old age), the memorials are instead in honour (or mockery) of the fallen enemy. Because of the Raptors’ propensity to wage war and conquer, these memorials take up half the city, as well as the surrounding countryside. It’s only a minor inconvinience, though, as the Raptors also use flying apartment blocks to support their population. These apartment blocks were actually developed in 2231, and then sent back in time to the 1400s, where the already-advanced Raptor Race made use of the generousity of their future descendants to become the biggest empire in the world. You know how they say “The sun never sets on the British Empire”? Well, in Raptoria they have their own phrase: “Cluk’Cluk’Cluk! BARABBAT! KWINCHEEEE!”. Roughly translated, this becomes “Both the British Sandwich and Pungent Sun that revolves around it belongs Melon to Raptoria!”. This is, of course, being modest. 

It is a well known fact all books, even those not yet written, have been written by a Raptor. One raptor specifically; Brother Lloyd (his descendants have always been called Lloyd) is in charge of all publications, and is permitted to edit them as he sees fit; often resulting in newspaper articles like the one below:

However, the history of  Raptoria is not entirely bright. Throughout the years, many thorns have irritated the sacred nation’s side. Most notably during the 14th century (and coincidentally, the 28th Raptor Hundred Years War), when rebellious human slaves led a foolish and doomed attempt to overthrow the High Priest Chancellor of Raptoria, Francis XIXVII. The humans fought a brave but ignoble fight, and the rebellion was swiftly crushed. Many humans fled to the underground, however, and remain a nuisance by constantly showing up in Raptor granaries, stealing whatever scraps they can. Many Raptor families have exterminators on quickdial, and the number is more commonly used than the emergency services in most cases. Fire, however, remains a constant problem, as Raptors are prone to attack something (such as a gas tank, with matches and a flamethrower) when irritated. Also a large factor is the constant laboratory tests by the numerous Science Raptors, all eagerly exploring the royally-sponsored Explosion Physics. The most famous fire in memory would be the Great Fire of RARRRK!, which lasted approximately twelve hundred years, albeit often shrinking to light a candle. The cause of the fire remains a mystery, but is arguably best-known for killing several thousand slaves and interns. In a fit of rage, the king of the time (Jacob XXXXVIII) ordered the invasion of all the territories surrounding Raptoria, and agreed to ceasefire only once the slave numbers had been replaced and then some.

 

Currently Raptor-held territories. Not including several space colonies.

 

To this day, however, the Raptorian Empire remains on of the most well-known and respected planets in the world, and is very welcoming to all residency applications. EXCEPT YOURS. GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN.

SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEE! GRAAAAAAAAARGH! PLUUUUUUUUURKPLUUUUUUUUURK!

 

*EDUCATION NOT OPTIONAL

Left 4 Dead

In my extensive 10 years of dicking about on the internet, I’ve learnt a few things. Firstly, don’t click a link that your friend claims is “really funny”. Next, no-one cares that much about what you think about much (woah). And finally: generally speaking, the internet is a malevolent force. And of course, no unrelenting demonforce is complete without little helpers, manifested by the assorted detritus that is the internet community. Of course, most of them are good (apparently), but never is there a hive of more scum and villainy than internet gaming. Specifically, the first person shooter. For some reason, giving anonymous people virtual guns and telling each other to “basically, go nuts” is a bad idea in the end.

I’ve attempted playing Counterstrike: Source in the past, but that experiment endly rather quickly. Team Fortress 2 has been my loyal pet for quite a while now, but under the present situation my Steam client has decided it doesn’t want to update TF2, and instead amuses itself by crashing. So it was with reluctance I picked up Left 4 Dead, the newest game from Valve. I’m sure you all know about it, but for those who don’t: A group of 4 survivors fends off zombies (including powerful boss zombies) in an attempt to get to safety. Oh, and slight thing: All four survivors (and occaisonally the zombies) are controlled by real people supposedly working together over the internet. Let’s see how that pans out, shall we?

 

On the left: Uncensored box, as appears in the US, UK and Australia. On the right: Censored box seen in Japan and Germany, and completely missing the point.

First up, there’s not much use buying this without a good internet connection. The singleplayer teammate AI, although capable, lacks the random human element and motivation to keep going throughout the levels. They won’t take the lead, for instance, forcing you to keep the party going no matter how close to death you are. The game is controlled by a system known as The Director; it works well, assuming “well” means “Holy crap holy crap there’s zombies everywhere”. It does mean, however, the whole thing keeps fresh throughout the playthroughs. It’s a good thing, too, as there’s only four campaigns at the moment. Admittably, they are all broken up into lovely little chapters, but it seems Valve is banking on downloadable content (free for the PC, naturally). Each campaign will last you for about the same length as a short horror film, so be prepared to take breaks if you need them. Continuing with the whole cinematic thread, Left 4 Dead comes across as a delightful horror movie in its own right. Each campaign has the prerequisite cheesy title: Guess where “Blood Harvest” takes you through? Give up? IT’S A FARM, JACKASS. The graphics of the game are drained with some sort of film grain, almost giving the whole first-person thing a Cloverfield spin. And whilst the campaign’s loading you get a movie poster displaying the cast in this macarbe tale.

 

Nothing like an evening run to get the congealed pus oozing.

 

I suppose that brings us to the cast. Truth be told, there’s not much you can do in an online shooter in terms of character, but Left 4 Dead’s seem relatively well designed. The opening sequence illustrates their personalities perfectly: Bill, a Vietnam vet who’s also the group’s knowitall; Louis, a sarcastic office worker who also fills the niche for a stereotypical African-American; Francis, the biker who seems oddly comfortable holding a gun; and Zoey… The obligatory girl. The soundbites are well-written, though – even if they do announce every single reload – and they’ll play automatically if your character hears a boss zombie approaching or finds something useful. It’s handy not to have to deal with constant messaging (especially if you lack a headset), though there seems to be very few sound files for “I’m reloading”, which you will hear often.

 

If you don't get it, you never will.

 

The guns of the game feel very distinctive. True to Valve form, each weapon has tradeoffs or advantages, so they’re all balanced. You start off only being able to choose from two – a shotgun or an uzi – which is good enough on it’s own, really. Still, each player also starts with a pistol that never runs out of ammo, and soon you’ll be able to dual-wield them. And once you get a small way through a campaign’s chapters, you’ll get a bit more choice, with a combat shotgun, assault rifle or hunting rifle all up for grabs. Only one primary weapon at once, though, so there’s a fair degree of specialization required.

“But is it a true zombie game?” I hear you ask. Well, I’d first correct you by saying they’re not strictly speaking zombies (think more the Rage virus). And yes, I suppose it is. You’ll never feel completely at ease unless you’re in a safe house. The AI director ensures games maintain unpredictable, and you never know when an angry horde will come sprinting and climbing into your direction. You really get those “Oh, bollocks” moments when the Director decides to send zombies whilst you’re reloading, and having to shoot down a Smoker who’s busily choking your friend in the middle of a massive undead cluster is always tense. Oh, while we’re on the topic of bosses, you will learn to hate them. They’ll never catch you completely off guard, though, as you can normally hear their distinctive call or musical motif before they show up. Then there’s the witch. DO NOT DISTURB THE WITCH. Seriously though, there’s nothing more unnerving than having to move through the pitch-black (lights startle them, you see), listening to them sob whilst also hearing the groans of the horde getting closer…

 

Time until death: 0.01 seconds. Old design of Francis, by the way.

 

Is it a perfect game, though? Well, it depends. The largest gameplay quibble would be getting stuck with a bad team, though you can’t attribute that to bad game design. What you CAN attribute bad game design to, however, is the lack of a server select. Instead, the game forces you to use a lobby system, where you get thrown into a waiting room with random players. Of course, you could set up a password one, but it almost takes the whole server dedication away. I can report good ping, though, despite my lame internet, so it’s fine by me. Oh, and apparently there’s a fair amount of exploiting going on at the moment. It’s something that will be ironed out quickly, knowing Valve, but it’s still rather annoying for the time being if it happens to you. Still, slight niggles in gameplay or design can’t detract from the fact this is to date the definitive Zombie Survival game. So for a bit of shooting with randoms that doesn’t involve “OMG WTF HAX”, get your cold, clammy hands on Left 4 Dead.

 

They're absolutely DYING to get this game!

Call of Duty: World At War

I have the best metaphor for this game. Are you listening? Are you listening? Well, listen:

Although I wanted to blast COD:WaW into oblivion, break it’s morale and take it prisoner, its bravery and overall competency was enough to warrant a surrender.

I JUST BLEW YOUR MIND. Not really, but still, here we go. For those of you who have lives, Call of Duty: World at War is the next game in the Call of Duty series. Call of Duty games are normally noted for their World War 2 setting, linear but rewarding gameplay and an often grim portrayl of warfare. Then came along Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare, a radical new imagining of the franchise, now offering… err… a linear but rewarding gameplay experience… and a… grim portrayl of warfare. Ah, yes, but this one was in a Modern Setting, which really made all the difference. As everybody knows, World War II happened a long time ago, and there’s only so many years worth of material you can scrounge up. So it was good to see a war game finally make a modern bent that ended up paying off. It appears the Call of Duty franchise has learnt from experience and… gone back to World War II. Riiiiiight. Don’t fret though, this isn’t permanent. Modern Warfare 2 is in production, and this game is made by Treyarch, who you may know as making the gawdawful Call of Duty 3. So their life was on the line here, as some friends of mine already made judgement simply because of this. Oh well. It can’t be that bad… right?

In short, no. In long, no game’s perfect. So let’s get right down to it, I suppose. Let’s start with the bad. The first, most obviously glaring point, is the World War 2 setting. Though something should probably be pointed out to you, the uninformed, that this particular World War 2 setting hasn’t really been seen before. World at War, amongst Russians holding back German forces, also features the rarely-before-seen Pacific Battleground, focusing on Americans turning the tide of the war against the steely Japanese (or Empire of the Rising Sun) warriors. Does it work? Yeah, it does. The pacific location is very effective even solely from the novelty, but it excels in instilling a different mindset of warfare in the player. I’m used to sniping Nazis whilst hiding in a church, or sniping Spetsnaz whilst hiding in an apartment block. In World or War, sniping’s never really come up. There’s trees everywhere (well, everywhere that hasn’t been bombed), and you never know where the enemy’s going to come from. Which brings us to the new enemy. I was always sort of scared of hearing about the Imperial Japanese troops. The dedication, often bordering on psychosis, these guys exhibited is something to be seen. Walking through the rainforest, you can never be entirely certain when there’s going to be an ambush. And then, suddenly: “BANZAI!”, and the soldier comes dashing towards you with a katana. Holy fucking shit. Okay, the life ’round they come out at exactly the same spot, but the first time around I have trouble aiming right. Oh, and then there’s the lesser-known “retard squad” of the Japanese forces. Yeah, the AI’s occaisonally comparable to a rock. Many times I’ve been standing right next to a Jap, whilst he focuses primarily on sniping the Marine four million miles away. Still, its’ nothing game breaking – just turn the difficulty up, I guess – and it still ends up with the feeling intact. Oh, now let’s move on to the depiction of war. This is probably the most brutal COD game I’ve had the pleasure of experiencing. It’s definitely not for the faint-of-heart, though I suppose that’s only a good thing when it comes to war. Single player is a relatively standard affair, following the two radically different stories of two radically different soliders. The differences between the two campaigns are more than purely cosmetic, too. As the Americans you’ll be fighting in an unconventional battlefield, varying from wide open fields to tight-knit jungles. It’s unpredictable, which works well for the setting and ambience of the levels. The Russian campaign sees a great deal more emotional involvement, fighting a war of revenge as the Soviet Army pushes back the nasty old Nazis out of the USSR. It’s literally a war of revenge, too: the very first level of the campaign sees you bleeding to death whilst German soldiers put down your comrades permanently. A lucky break means you get a new lease on life, however, and your squad leader (also part of the massacre) takes a particular hate to the Nazi swine. Both of your commanding officers in both of the campaigns are well-realised characters, each with their own motivation behind the military orders. Roebuck, your C.O. in the Pacific campaign, just wants peace and the end of the war to finally come. Reznov, your Ruskie leader, wants to kill every single German for everything they ever did. The guns feel sturdy throughout the game, and veterans of CoD 4 will have to change their tactics to keep up (?) with the guns of World War 2. Rifles are out in force, which means battle often feels slower and clunkier, but to a historical effect as opposed to bad design. The graphics utilise the same engine as its predecessor, so the game often feels like a full conversion of Modern Warfare. There has been, by the looks of things, some tweaking though, as flames and other environmental effects appear with more clarity and general prettiness-of-ugliness in the harshest of places. 

So that’s single player. Though when Modern Warfare was released, the game’s multiplayer seemed to be better received than the singleplayer. It’s hard to say exactly why, but the unlockable weapons system based on rank seemed to have something to do with it. So now Treyarch not only has to release a good World War 2 game (which is getting increasinly harder these days), they have to deliver the alread rabid fans more of the great multiplayer that is becoming synonymous with the CoD franchise. Let’s start with a word of warning. You can’t expect everything to be fair in WaW‘s multiplayer. The fact that different weapons are unlocked depending on your level of XP (gained by kills, headshots, capturing the flag, et cetera, et cetera) means there will be players better off than you are to begin with. Or at least, players that have stuck by the game. There’s a fair amount of grinding involved with the multiplayer, as you’ll find yourself searching for 50 more XP so you can unlock the next weapon. Also a main feature of the game’s multiplayer is the Perks system. Perks (also unlocked by increasing in rank) bestow different advantages to the player, but only a few can be used in one loadout. Although it helps the diversity of players, you’ll find a few perks are… shall we say… Overpowered? True,  they each offer different things, but a few perks, in the right hands, can be nigh on unstoppable. Nevertheless, I enjoyed myself the entire time throughout the experience, simply because the options included are so damn liberating. Whatever mode you play, WaW will (probably) cater to it. The CoD games of late have also started to include new modes that put a spin on classic FPS fodder. Take “Hardcore” mode, for instance. In Hardcore, the HUD is completely removed, friendly fire is always on, and bullets do considerably more damage. It helps the overall realism, if that’s what you’re after, and is definitely for players with a bit more experience. I’m pleased to say World at War‘s multiplayer carrys on the grand tradition of fine multiplayer from a well-renowned series.

I wasn’t expecting too much from World at War, to be honest. Another World War 2 shooter, from a developer with a slightly dodgy history, using the same engine as the last game from last year. And it a lot of respects, World at War isn’t exactly revolutionary. But it doesn’t have to be. It’s a solid game that gets by from the success of the game before it, and I can say it is the best WW2 game to date. Hopefully, then, it’ll be the last. 

 

It was only once they'd started burning the effigy of Churchill I'd realised I was on the wrong side.

Guitar Hero: Nerd Tour

Oops, that should be World Tour. Oh well, I guess it’s still applicable; after all, there’s a certain feeling you get within the first five minutes of playing a Guitar Hero game that niggles at your mind. It’s the realisation you’re standing in front of a TV holding what appears to be a Fischer-Price toy, twaddling in time with some notes going down the screen. Any little doubts soon fade away, though, and you enter a period of delusion I like to call “True Rockstar Status”, where you actually become convinced you are an actual Guitar Hero, and even start singing along or waving to your fans. I’ve considered using Guitar Hero as a way to impress chicks, but I imagine it wouldn’t turn out as well as it does in my mind. Anyway, onto the topic of tonight: Guitar Hero: World Tour is the fourth full game to come from the famous series, though not actually the fourth game overall. That doesn’t really matter though. So…

 

Fun for the whole family (assuming your family are cats)

 

Ever since Rock Band (developed by those scalliwags in charge of Guitar Hero 1 & 2, as well as the Rocks The ’80s expansion) was released, it became clear mere guitars weren’t going to sell games anymore, and thus the arms war of music-rhythm games began. Rock Band got off to a good start, but has been largely ignored in Australia since its release in November of 2007, as the game hasn’t come out in Australia for a fucking year later. I think largely on that I’ll be ignoring Harmonix’s release, and stay happy and satisfied with GH:WT. And satisfied I am, for I can easily say this is the best game in the series to date. I know, I know, as a reviewer I’m expected to say that, but this game really exceeded quite a few of my expectations. Let’s get down to brass tacks, shall we?

A music game lives or dies based on its setlist. Consumers today expect real songs (not covers) that translate easily onto notes, and also encapsulate the rocker aspect (or in this case, the feeling of being in a band). World Tour seems to carve its niche in all audiences, using a wide range of songs that I’m sure at least one of will appeal to everyone. I did notice, however, a particular propensity for heavy-rock (Or even *gasp* Metal songs!), so if you’re after an easy ride, you’ll be disappointed by the thrasho songs. There are quite a few classics that will no doubt be replayed time and time again, with songs-even-70s-children-will-like including Hotel California or Band On The Run (If you don’t know it, look it up). It’s got quite a few songs that stick to you, from Blink-182′s Dammit with its distinctive riff or Jimmy Eat World’s The Middle, with a chorus that can get anyone born in the 90s singing along. That isn’t even to mention the possible wealth of downloadable content already trickling onto the online store. If you’re a fan of Metallica, you’re in for a treat (or not), as their new album (Death Magnetic) is available for download. Failing that, songs like Jesse’s Girl or even Another Way To Die will keep the party going for as long as you can afford it.

 

No Mozart in this one. Sorry, no-one.

 

Keeping the arms war analogy, Harmonix and Neversoft must have two different research teams building increasingly more powerful peripherals. Hopefully this will continue until the two companies actually do break out into war, and I think I speak for all of us when I say “I look forward to two geeks bashing each others heads in with plastic guitars”. Anyway, the point is is that the peripherals of World Tour and Rock Band are at times eerily similar, and at others eerily different (right…). The biggest difference in the two setups are no doubt the drum kits. Rock Band was criticised by people with no life for not mirroring a drum kit in perfect correlation, whilst everyone else happily banged along in joyful bliss. It seems the drones at Neversoft have had the chance to learn from Harmonix’s mistakes, and the drum kit packaged with World Tour matches a real drum kit a lot better. You have 6 notes in all on a drum kit in WT: 3… Normal drums… 2 cymbal thingies… and a foot pedal. The whole thing seems pretty sturdy, and is obviously built to take a bit of a beating. Unfortunately, the thing is still riddled with some design bugs, as my cymbals are occaisonally unresponsive. I did a bit of home-tuning this evening though, and they seem to be working okay for now. In any case, having not experienced Rock Band‘s guitar I’m not authorized to comment on the difference, but I can say World Tour‘s guitar is an improvement over GH3. The whole thing feels sturdier and weightier and helps the illusion of playing a guitar, and the widened strum bar is a suprising massive improvement. There is also, of course, the touch bar (I’m pretty sure that’s not its real name; it makes it sound like an awesome tavern), built for even more “Real Rocker” moments. Basically, certain notes in certain songs can be played just by sliding your fingers along the bar, and feeling incredibly smooth whilst doing it. So the guitar and drums appear to be pretty well made. As for the microphone… To tell the truth, there’s no way to fuck up a microphone. I just want to see the next step taken and make the damn thing wireless; something that will help set up my concerts more effectively in future.

 

The next logical step for the series?

 

There’s a lot of little and not-so-little touches that help the whole World Tour experience. I should mention the fact that this Guitar Hero is not, in fact, sponsered by any one guitar manufacturer. It’s a big change, as it means you’re no longer stuck with the reasonably bland, untouchableGibson designs as seen in the last game. It helps facilitate a great degree of customization, as you now have the ability to build your own guitar. Choose your own body shape, headboard and so on, and go w ild with the designs. I’ve already made a guitar to call my own, and I like to think it’ll be a worldwide-recognised symbol of ROCK. The possibilities truely are amazing, especially when coupled with the Bass and Drum customization options (there’s one for mics, too, but the options are rather… limited). I’ve spent quite a great deal of time making my own axes, and as long as I keep getting designs I’ll keep swapping them around. Ooh, that brings me to another great part of the game. After so long of having to use rockers thinly disguised by having their names changed, you finally have the option of making yourself (or at least, someone you want to be). First you pick an “attitude”, ranging from Rock or Pop to Black Metal or Classic Rock. The changes are purely cosmetic and don’t affect your playing, just what actions your character does whilst onstage. The real fun comes in customizing your clothing or using the extensive tattoo system to deck out your Hollaback Girl (ahem) in some sweet threads with an eagle on her back. Not that I do that, of course. There’s a lot of other little things that keep the game fresh; or at least, not frustrating. I’m not going to give them a seperate paragraph, so here they are: The ability to line up a setlist, so you don’t have to choose a new song one at a time; the changes to your concert venue during encores, which can include accidentally lighting a banner on fire above your band; and last (but certainly not least) the epic – and I mean epic – music creation studio. I mean, this thing is in-depth. Theoretically, you could produce whole new songs on this as effectively as a slightly-crippled guitar, and already people have no doubt started posting knock-offs online. Me, I’m waiting for a recreation of the B-52s’ Rock Lobster. Then I’ll make a red lobster guy with a lobster guitar to play it on.

And it shall be awesome.

So yeah, World Tour is pretty good, assuming you have the friends or family to play it with. Although the set list isn’t exactly ideal, there’s a great list of downloadable content already on its way. The peripherals may occaisonally act up, but it’s not something liable to damage your overall enjoyment. That’s not even mentioning the massive creation aspect, coupled with the create-a-rocker/guitar/drum kit/bass facilities. Frankly, the customization options make this game more than just another Guitar Hero or Rock Band knock-off, and help give it wings as a game of its own. And what a game.

My 9 Or 10 Lives

What is it about my life that is so boring I have to find other ones? I’m sure there are many answers, and many a late night is spent adding to the list. Though I’m not the only one feels this way. As a small interlude before launching into this article, allow me to present you with some statistics:

• The best selling PC game of all time is The Sims, having sold at least 16 million copies.
• Its sequel, predictably named The Sims 2 is number 3 on the list, having sold at least 13 million copies.

Now, take another look at those statistics. 16 million copies. This beats the amount of World of Warcraft players by 5 million (WoW‘s playerbase is just over 11 million, based on October 2008 data).

Yeah, apparently.

 

What does this mean, you may ask. It’s quite possible living a virtual “real” life is more addictive than living a virtual fantasy life. So this article is dedicated to those games that, despite simulating a life that may seem boring, never let you go.

Let’s start with the biggie: The Sims series. Released in 2000, the original Sims took the world by storm, offering gameplay never seen before by a PC audience: Nothing. Tell you what, innovation’s sure as hell changed since then. Anyway, The Sims was notable in that it attracted a massive female audience, notoriously hard to reach in standard games. But what was the lasting appeal of a game like this? Player-made content, it would seem. The Sims 2, with its relatively simple video or photo-capture equipment, provided a springboard for players wanting to post their creations over the internet to anyone willing to look them up on Youtube.

Watch it. All of it. Anyway, that’s not all the internet creates when given little fake people. Some people (ranging anywhere in computer literacy between “master coder” and “Brick with a lemon on it”) go to the trouble of creating new clothes, makeup, genetics, houses, beds, toilets, ad nauseum, for their scene teen Sims. I must admit, I’ve partaken in several years of The Sims, and it pains me to admit I’m looking forward to the release of The Sims 3. Why? There’s a couple of reasons. Firstly, The Sims allows me to create a fantasy world I’d rather live in. It’s very easy to make Sims that look like yourself and your friends, and then it’s just as easy to go wild and hook two up. Every time I play a neighbourhood of my virtual self (often living close to other real-life friends), I’ve married the same girl, often divorcing her to marry a different one when the need arises. My little superego remains the only version of me to have had children and a successful job. If anything, playing The Sims 2 ticks me off more than amuses me, as the smiling effigy I name “Healey” seems to be saying to me, “That’s right. YOU’LL NEVER ACHIEVE THIS.” Then I deprive him of sleep. It’s oddly theraputic, satisfying both my lofty lifegoals and my sadistic fantasies in one sitting. And now I sound like a crazy person, so I’m going to move right along. The Sims, along with many other of Will Wright’s games (see Spore) keeps fresh based on the creativity of its users. Whether or not that’s a good thing remains to be seen, and hopefully number three maintains its moddability. Until then, I’m going to create a new neighbourhood and get married again.

As far as occupations go, farming must be pretty boring. Waking up at 4, scooping animal dung with a pitchfork, eating the half-dead corn you grew yourself… Oh, and fun fact: Farmers have the 8th highest death rate as a profession in America. It’s odd then, that the Harvest Moon series has been going on since 1996, and was first playable on the almight SNES (Super Nintendo Entertainment System). The basic premise of the game hasn’t changed: You maintain a farm in a small town. Along the way, you have the chance to raise animals, make friends with the villagers, get married to one of the local ladies, and participate in some of the local festivals. Yep. That’s about it. It keeps going, and will keep going indefinitely, unless you overwrite your game. Your kid (When/if you have one) will always be a tiny baby, even after fifty years of marriage. Creepy, yeah. Anyway, Harvest Moon tends to be less about custom-content or fancy-schmancy graphics, and more about… err, repetitive tasks. Somehow it works, and a lot of people report the games to be rather theraputic. I’ve noticed it too; after a couple of years of trying to attract the local nurse, I couldn’t help but think of the futility of life itself, and began another slow spiral into depression I hadn’t felt since I played The Sims 2. The game’s enjoyment comes almost entirely from the sense of freedom. I mean, sure, running a farm is fun, but sometimes I snuck in a quantum of solace and went fishing instead, or dedicated an entire day to cooking for the lady I wanted to woo. Come to think of it, if I put as much time into real life as I did Harvest Moon, I might actually have a girlfriend and fishing prize by now. Still, its easy to take refuge in the mundanity. Rather than worrying about deadlines or civil war, it’d be easier to go farming for a while. Oddly enough, Harvest Moon is a perfect game to play for something relaxing or to get rid of tension; Y’know, before going off to play a killer rock solo or sometahing. Though the odds are if you’re playing Harvest Moon you’re probably not likely to be playing killer rock solos. At least, not on a real guitar.

There’s a great article out there written by someone using the alias of “Chewbot”, chronicling his dark misadventures through the world of Animal Crossing. Animal Crossing is another life simulator. Come to think of it, of course it’d be; that’s what this article is about. Anyway, Animal Crossing takes place in a bizarre world where the player is the only person and the rest of the inhabitants of the town of Animal Crossing are all… Animals. Hmm. You know, I really should’ve paid more attention before writing this article. Anyway, like Harvest Moon, Animal Crossing is all about living a lovely boring life. Having not played the game myself, I can’t attest to any first-hand praise or criticism of the game. As ar as I can tell, though, Animal Crossing is even less goal-orientated than Harvest Moon, with no farm to run or “must-reach” goals. The only real goal could be getting your loan paid off, as you’re basically imprisoned by the local business owner, Tom Nook (a raccoon. Go figure.) until you release yourself from his financial oppression. The series is well-known (Well, to its fans) for the cute art style and utter charm it permeates. Not only that, but the DS version (Wild World) uses the DS’s internal clock, thus the game is played in real time. I guess if it’s utter realism you’re after, it works (considering the… well, unrealistic setting) but I’ve often found myself irritated with real-time events. It often means if you can only play games at certain times (eg, not during work or school hours) you’ll find yourself constantly missing out on events ingame. Then again, there is the other way; I’ve heard a report of a student who ran out of a university exam to play through a festival occuring in his own little Animal Crossing. Personally, I think if there’s a game that has that great an effect on you, there’s even more support for a matrix-esque virtual reality life system. Well, either that or a real life. Who am I to talk about real life, though, when I’m a gamer? Maybe I’ll go ask one of my Sims about it.

Sado-Masochism: Why I Love Gaming

On a side note, I’ve just realised I should probably put a little more thought into my titles.

A lot of people don’t understand gaming as a hobby. So often, my parents, friends, relatives and even just assorted people express disbelief at how my Waste-of-Time hobby is helping me. One particular event comes to mind: I was playing Call of Duty 4 on my trusty Playstation 3. It’s the flash-back sniper mission; basically, the very end of the level sees you holding off a massive force of assorted Soviet “terrorists”. Simply put, it was not a good night for me. It’s probably about the time I wandered (rather casually; or perhaps obliviously) into a nest of the buggers, and was promptly turned into an attractive display case for Soviet-made bullets. I did the gamer’s flail (you know, the one where your limbs go limp and your face becomes enraged/saddened) and not-so-silently seethed at this stupid game. Upon selecting “Restart” for the umpteenth time, my father asked me, “If you keep dying, why do you bother playing?”. It was probably more his way of an insult (Good old Dad) than an actual philosophical question, but it still made me think. And as I once again got shot twelve hundred times with a semi-automatic, I had to ask myself. In my entire life of gaming, there’s one game I’m yet to do well in. I’ve been trying it recently, and if I ever get to a reasonably successful state of gameplay, the internet will be the first to know. Anyway, the game’s Simcity 4.

SimCity 4 owns me.

Although the damn game is 5, almost 6 years old, I can’t quit it. It calls to me late at night, when I’m trying to sleep. “Beeenn,” it sings; “Come play with me. Come make a city in your image. Name it Healeyville…” And even though I resist, saying “It’s too difficult”, I always end up building a crappy railway system in a crappy industrial zone hoping to get my crappy city’s population over 1000. I played it last night, you know. For a minute, I was confident. My rail system was working, for Sim’s sake. I was balancing the books just right.. And then it happened. I got greedy. I tried to build an education system. Within minutes, all my money was gone. “I hate this game” I said to myself, before trying the damn thing again. Why, then, do I play this game; or indeed, any game? Easy.

To Win.

I know, I know, it sounds immature. But why else would I do it? Storyline, maybe. Characters, not a chance. In every game I’ve played, despite how drawn in I am by graphics, plot, or…. physics, the need to win keeps me in. Maybe that’s where a lot of the criticism of the internet culture was born. I have one friend (Who will remain pretty nameless) who is obsessed with online FPS playing. I must admit, I was the one who first told him about COD4 (a relative favorite of his), so maybe this monster is my creation. Still, I’ve seen the change it had on him. He’s become obsessed with winning in his games. I didn’t actually believe in the stereotype, but now I’ve seen it bloom. In my short stint of playing Counterstrike: Source, I encountered the stereotypical online competitive gamer. “Fag” to them is a noun, pronoun, adjective and verb. That’s probably just one indication of their bloodthirstiness. In short, they (which now includes my friend) are the dark side of winning. Though the definition of “Hardcore” is probably for another study session, so I think I’ll wrap it up. Winning is often what brings gamers together. Though once in a while it’s important to remember the desire to win is often what breaks gamers apart.

Anyway, back onto my point (Which I was informed I sort of missed). Let’s get back to that Simcity 4 game. SimCity 4 is a good example of my answer as to why I love gaming. Despite the fact SimCity 4 breaks my morale at every chance, I keep going back to it. As I said, I want to win. Though (and here’s the crux) if a game isn’t fun, I won’t be playing. Yeah, I love gaming because its fun. Who’d've seen that coming? And maybe (Like so many people) I love a challenge. If a find a game fun, I’ll keep playing until it destroys me. Thus, you could probably simplify this concept to a formula of some sort. So I guess what I’m saying (In so many bloody words) is that so long as a game is enjoyable I’ll play, no matter how much I hate it. Here’s something I’ll admit: Despite the fact I own Crysis, I have never actually completed it. Why? It wasn’t that fun for me. Even though the challenge gave me something to reach for, the gameplay itself gave me no motivation. So here it is.

I play games to win them. I won’t play a game unless it’s fun, though. Ask anyone I’ve ever played Buzz with. Well, that’s that. Stay tuned for less majorly philosophical topics on gaming, and maybe I’ll call someone a n00b.

LittleBIGPlanet: Thank God For Physics Class

I lost my childhood a long time ago. I don’t know exactly the moment, but I was speaking in my well-cultured faux-english-american voice from about age 12,  so there’s a good indication. Anyway, it may be for this reason I clutch on to things that remind me of my childhood. Quite a few of these, unfortunately, have gone the way of Rocko’s Modern Life (which is in itself one of my memories) and are now untraceable for one reason or another. So I clutch tightly onto the few remaining scraps of innocence I have left; whether it be building houses out of Lego, or smililng with acutal nostalgia as I play Lego Star Wars. Spot the pattern.

 

Yeah, I really like Lego.

Anyway, I guess I should get to the point. The reason I like LittleBIGPlanet (I’m basing that spelling off the official website’s) is because, bizarrely, it reminds me of my childhood. On the outside, LittleBIGPlanet may seen like a simple platformer, child-like and non-threatening in appearance. And in truth: It is. Don’t let it throw you off, though. Basically, the appeal of LBP is in its user-created content. It has a, frankly, INSANE amount of potential, as its creator tools are incredibly versatile and easy to understand. As far as I understand, there’s already a large amount of uploaded levels on the LBP database, many of which are both inspiring due to their extensiveness, and embarassing for the same reason. That’s not the only drawcard LBP has up its tiny, knitted sleeve, though. Anyone who sees the cover of the game for even a few seconds will soon see its more materialistic appeal; namely, the SackPeople. Don’t laugh, you perverts. They’re cute as hell. A large part of the game is based purely on creation and customisation, so almost all aspects of your Sackperson can be tweaked; Material, eyes, clothes, and even cute little top hats. It’s insanely cute, though that’s probably not what gamers are looking for. Still, I’m going to talk about it anyway. At any point during a level, you can change your Sackperson’s expression, with three different levels each of Happiness, Sadness, Anger and Fear. I liked to think my Sackboy was retarded, and for all the levels he pottered about with a toungue-hanging smile on his face. Anyway, no doubt all these aspects make LittleBigPlanet immensely family friendly, and a lot of kids will be enthralled with even just the creation aspects. Still, there’s bigger fish to fry in the game, so let’s talk about Physics. 

 

The three in the background are enjoying themselves. The one in front is a little pissed off.

 

 

The Physics of this game are incredible. Every material has been perfectly realised, and acts exactly as it should. Styrofoam is light and easy to carry, and metal can crush a Sackperson to a funny (if not slightly disturbing) death. The physics of the game ensures things act logically. Jumping on a bouncy, trampoline-like material is just like real life; you have to take little bounces, then time them right to get MASSIVE AIR. Little, self-built cars roll with amazing accuracy, and it took me a while to realise how to use the physics properly. I built myself a little car with bolts allowing the wheels to move, then was shocked to discover the car was rolling unevenly. Turns out I hadn’t put much thought as to where the bolts would be going, and on second thought I realised they were revolving around the bolt. It’s only a little thing, but it simultaneously makes and breaks the game. Physicsphiles will be enraptured by the mechanics, and will savor the chance to build something both realistic and fun. However, it should be noted that it can occaisonally take quite a bit of effort to get something just right. As a cautionary tale to this, I spent about half an hour tweaking my little toy car to make sure it’d run perfectly own the little race course/death trap I’d created for it. Still, for the entire time I was actually enjoying myself, and it was incredibly rewarding to see my new roller go flying over ramps with nary a care to gravity. Swinging puzzles are well-implemented, and I was determined to create myself a little Indiana Jones just for the ability of justifying these escapades. It doesn’t matter what you choose your Sackboy to look like and how it goes about it’s business though, as the narrator will like you no matter what. And I like the narrator so much, he gets a paragraph all to himself.

LittleBigPlanet is narrated by Stephen Fry, who you might remember from The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy or other awesome English movies/Television shows. Right from the opening, I was joyous based purely on the narration. The Narrator is a constant guide for your Sackpeople, and treats the little thing like it’s a mischevious child. You can sense the love in Stephen Fry’s voice (or maybe I’m just imagining it) as he dolefully tells you about the numerous (and occaisonally complicated) contraptions and concepts of the game. The whole thing has a wonderful British class to it, and the phrase “Gadding about” was so awesome to hear I may start using it myself. In fact, all the music in the game has a happy feel, no matter what the setting is. I may recommend, as a sampler, the song “Get It Together” by “The Go Team!”. Pure happiness in a song.

Keep in mind, though, LittleBigPlanet isn’t nessecarily 100% for everyone. First things first. Some people probably won’t like the cute feel, or the fact that no-one gets shot in the whole game. I know, I know, it’s something you’ll have to get over. The whole point of this game, though, is to be family friendly, so if you’re looking for something the whole family (Kids, real people) can play, look no further than LittleBigPlanet. Secondly, people might not like the very precise nature of the physics. I must admit, occaisonally I found myeslf growling at the Sackboy for having the gall to smile when I’m busy re-calibrating my rolling dragon’s tires for half and hour. And finally, there’s always the element of you have no friends to play with, as this game is definitely suited for four friends all working together and mucking about. Still, there’s a wealth of good points that I think outweight the negatives. It’s a bonanza for collectors; there’s so many costumes, stickers and objects to collect, you’ll find yourself repeatedly playing a level to get 100%. It’s perfect for kids or a large group of people, and the strong userbase means you’ll always be able to download new levels. The editing tools are some of the best and simplest I’ve ever seen in a game, and they’re all clearly explained by the fantastic narration. So if it’s some cheery, physics-based, creative fun you’re after, I recommend you look no further than LittleBigPlanet. Now, I’m going to go build a Pteradon to fight another giant mechanical T-Rex.

Chuzzle: Why I Don’t Get Out More

I was recently thinking to myself, “When am I going to update that damn blog?”. I struggled with the answer, which could’ve resulted in being either “Never” or (In a British accent) “Not bloody likely”. As my internal argument reached its climax, I decided to think about it later. I then devoured a box of biscuits and started playing Chuzzle yet again. I just can’t explain it. Chuzzle, for those of you who don’t know, is yet another “casual” game from the remarkably successful PopCap Games. PopCap is well known for their casual games, which absorb time and all inexplicably seem to feature cute, colorful animals.

 

In PopCap style, all these images will be family-friendly. And boring.

So, let’s talk about Chuzzle, then. Writing this, I’ve realised a large amount of PopCap games are the same thing. That is, matching colours. Chuzzle‘s unique spin on it is rotation of rows and columns. Basically, you drag one of the rows or columns at a time, and by doing so attempt to create a group of three or more of the same colour Chuzzles (which then, bizarrely, explode). Obviously, the more Chuzzles you ‘splode in a turn, the more points you’ll rack up. Join five or more together, and you’ll make a boomer Chuzzle. Make a group of three that includes a boomer, and you’ll also blow up some other Chuzzles, making them handy for getting rid of obstacles like Fatties. Oh yeah; occaisonally, a massively obese Chuzzle will drop in to the game, forcing you to move two rows or columns at once. They’re not the worst bastards, though. Let me introduce you to the lock: 

 

I hate you.

Locks prohibit you from using the row or column they’re in. Oh, and if you ever make a lame move (like only scoring one group in a turn) one of these guys will appear. So it’s not unusual to have 3 or 4 rows AND columns cut off. The only solution is either making a group with these guys, or using a boomer. These locks remain one of my most frustrating villains that I can recall in gaming, and many times I simply resorted to yelling “Fuck you” at my monitor. I know, I know; not exactly civilized, but if you saw that they did to me, you’d've done it too. So, yeah, it does get frustrating, but in a good way. Because every time you destroy a lock or blow up a fatboy with an exhillarating “sproosh”, you’ll crack a smile. Oh, and Chuzzles, despite having a complete lack of anything indentifiable except eyes, are some of the cutest little peons in gaming. Simply put, I’m a fan of Chuzzle and casual gaming. Despite what all the hardcore gamers may say, Casual gaming is no doubt a revolution in gaming. It’s bringing people who you’d never associate with games (eg my Mother) to gaming. Plus, it’s relaxing to take a few minutes off to explode some fluffballs. Oh, and if you like Chuzzle (as I do), give other PopCap successes such as Insaniquarium, Peggle, Bejeweled 2 or Pizza Frenzy a go. You’ll thank me for it, unless you end up smashing your monitor because of those bloody locks.

 

 

Couldn't find a way to fit this into the Velociraptor Survival Guide.